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Today is July 31st, 2009 and for the past couple of weeks I have been in a serious funk. I wasn't really sure why - maybe it had something to do with the fact that I am unhappy in so many aspects of my life or that I am ALWAYS broke. I wasn't really sure, but now I know that on top of all of that today is the two year anniversary that the beginning of the end started for me and my relationship with D. Funny how the only two blog posts are about love. Honestly I am happy that I have a job now granted it may not be a job that I am super happy to have but at this point in my life it is a job and it is with a phenomenal companay. I am grateful for my family and friends. I am healthy and enjoy my alone time, but the only thing that seems to be lacking in my life is someone to share these things with. Reflecting on the past four years has really openend my eyes. I wonder how it is that D has so easily moved on with his life or not that he has moved on but how it is that he has been able to find happiness again. I know that people who know the situation will tell me that is all under false pretenses, but regardless of that I feel like I am pretty good catch, but yet here I am after several failed dates alone and pondering what has gone wrong with all of those and D. Feeling down on yourself never helps I realize that but today is just that day that really if anything goes wrong I could break down. I have pretty much cried at least 3 times and it is only 8:30...I woke up at 1 am and couldn't get back to sleep then went out on the sofa and ended up waking up again at 5. Now I am listening to Tristan Prettyman on Pandora and reminiscing on my past four years and wondering when I will ever be completely over him...